just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
