Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
