out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
