Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
