You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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