she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
