Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
