Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
