It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
