the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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