nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
