went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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