jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
