So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
