One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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