Sponge bath it is.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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