New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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