this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
