Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
