Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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