Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
