well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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