4 words: hood of his car
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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