Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize