it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
