Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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