capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
