What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i came on her dog
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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