Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
