the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's paper in my vomit.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
