Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
