I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
