i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
