dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
