my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
