hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
