My first STD was from a foam party
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
