i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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