There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
