I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
