well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
