i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
