have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
