I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
