its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
