I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
