I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
