I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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