Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
