belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
