His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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