i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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