No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS