It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman