He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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