I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list