It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life