My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
