You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
