one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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