You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
