She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
