grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
