He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
