airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
