i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
